小百合學醫隨筆

photo credit: 浦公英

米國醫生在醫院常常會互糗對方
這些是我常常聽到的笑話 XD

大家看看就好，
不要太認真 XD

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 How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a general surgeon?
(你要如何從一般外科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Just put it in the patient’s notes.
(放在病人的病歷裡就好了)

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from an orthopedic surgeon?
(你要如何從骨科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Just put it in a textbook.
(放在醫學課本裡面就好了)

How do you hide a $100 bill from a CT surgeon?
(你要如何從胸腔外科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Just paste it to their kid's forehead. He will never see it.
(黏在他小孩的額頭上。他絕對不會發現的)

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a plastic surgeon?
(你要如何從整形醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
It's a trick question. You can't.
(不好意思，辦不到)

How do you hide a $100 from a radiologist?
(你要如何從放射科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Put it on the patient.
(放在病人身上)

How do you hide a $100 from an internist?
(你要如何從內科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Easy, just put it under a dressing.
(很簡單，放在繃帶下)

what do you call 2 medical students looking at a EKG?
(兩個醫學生一起看心電圖叫作什麼?)
a double blind study
(雙盲研究)

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knows everything, does nothing
(什麼都知道，什麼做不了)
Neurologist
(神經科醫生)

knows nothing, does everything
(什麼都不知道，什麼都做)
Surgeon
(外科醫生)

knows nothing, does nothing
(什麼都不知道，什麼都不做)
Psychiatrist
(精神科醫師)

knows everything, does everything but too late
(什麼都知道，但是不管做甚麼都已經太晚了)
A pathologist
(病理醫生)

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A medical student, family doctor, an internist, a surgeon and a pathologist go duck hunting.
(一個醫學生，一個家庭醫生，一個內科醫生，一個外科醫生，還有一個病理醫生一起去打獵)

The medical student is the first to raise his shotgun, but unable to tell if the duck is really a duck, he does not shoot.
(醫學生是第一個舉起獵槍的，但是他沒有開槍.. 因為他無法分別那是否真的是一隻鴨子)

The family doctor goes "here's a bird", shoots, kills. He concludes "it looked like a duck, sounded like a duck, was killed by duck shot, it was a duck!".
(家庭醫生說:＂這是鳥科類的動物”，冷靜開槍，殺了動物。他做了結論:”他看起來像隻鴨子，聽起來像隻鴨子，又被我一槍殺了，他一定是隻鴨”

The internist points his gun, but does not shoot. "This probable bird certainly looks like a female mallard, but I must be sure of what I am killing before shooting. A juvenile Mesopotamian sea duck would look exactly the same!".
(內科醫生舉起了獵槍，但是他沒有開槍. “這個鳥科動物看起來很像母姓綠頭鴨，可是我一定要完全確定後才能開槍，因為幼年的美索不達米亞海鴨有可能看起來跟這隻一模一樣!)

The surgeon goes "look, it flies! Boom", then turns to the pathologist and asks "So, what was it?".
(外科醫生大喊: “大家看，有東西在飛! 碰!”，然後轉身跟身邊的病理醫生說 :” 你幫我看看，那到底是啥玩意兒?”)